Would love to go here


I didn’t know it would be like this.

It was suggested that I should write a blog to document my life and how it has changed from one that I was so used to, to this: the “unknown”. I think writing things down is a good way to relax and make things better. Sorry if I ramble. 

I had a vision of what my life would be like, like most people, and what it has become is something I did not envision. If you’re familiar with Philosophy (I’m quite a big fan) then you’ve probably heard of Thomas Nagel and his piece The Absurd. In our lives, absurdity can be seen by the fact that if there is an inconsistency between reality and our ambitions within the world, we can feel out of place, or, absurd. I’m feeling quite absurd right now. 

I’ve come a long way from the weird, socially awkward troglodyte I once was when I lived in my parents house. About three days ago I made that change. I took my bags and headed to the bus stop after saying goodbye to my distraught mother and sister. They miss me, I know, but they know I couldn’t stay. I headed for the YWCA which is a ways away from my used-to-be home and have been living here ever since. It’s quite the change from my home that consisted of my mom and dad and sister. I don’t know anyone and that’s a bit scary. The only person I have left is my boyfriend who doesn’t live anywhere near me. I don’t know anyone. Well, I never really knew anyone when I really think about it. I just finished my first year of university for Psychology and it’s quite a big campus. I’ve seen some people from highschool but overall, I don’t know anyone. I’m alone. 

I’m getting by though. The first step towards happiness, I believe, was leaving my unhealthy, extremely toxic household. It’s unhealthy and extremely toxic because of my father and mother both suffer from narcissistic personality disorder (they exhibit all of the traits). I don’t feel alone in that regard because there are a whole bunch of people on reddit who are in the same boat as me. Anyways, so, I left because I was unhappy and not safe there. I feel a lot better knowing they can’t get to me here, but I’m still worried. They keep trying to contact me, I’ve blocked their numbers, however, I know that the “unknown caller” that keeps calling me every few hours is either my mom or my dad trying to pathetically get a hold of me and make me come home. I’m free of there shit and will never see them again. 

I’m really happy right now, maybe ecstatic, I feel really free and mature. Something my parents stressed wasn’t the case for me when I lived there. Sort of like a jail, but I got things. 

I think it’s time to end this spew of words, also known as my first blog post, and call it a day. This really helped me feel better about my situation.